Honored to perform a funeral service for a friend’s ex-wife today. What do I say when I barely knew her?
The family gathered with me at the funeral home. I typed in our conversation about her. Took this morning to put it together. Honored her. Gave the gospel. and Voila… here it is.
Gena, Eugenia Bashor (49) Funeral: April 8, 2009
Prayer
Father, you are the giver of Life, Creator, You sent your Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord, to be the Savior of the world to all who believe. You have given your Holy Spirit to remind us of your love and grace. Today, as we gather to honor Gena and to hear the good news again of your love to us, send your peace that passes understanding to all who request it. Send a renewed love for life and the freedom that you give. Shower your grace on Shirley, Nelson, Tory, Chase, Dirk, Donna and other dear friends and family. Be their strong fortress in sadness and a light of salvation to guide them safely to you, In Jesus Name, AMEN>
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Gena had a Short life…relatively speaking…30 years shy of the national average. Yet, Gena Embraced life. She was tenderhearted, a freebird, loved her family and a non materialistic person who looked great in second hand clothes! Shirley tells about an event when Gena was little. A little dog ran away, got hit by a car and then lying in a field of grass by the road. She would look at it when they drove by and after quite a few days she told her mother sadly, “Mom, it’s OK. that dog’s going to heaven one bit at a time.”
Gena had a tender streak. She would look at disadvantaged people and would often cry. She Would look under the bridges and try to see where the homeless people. Near the medical center, where a bunch live under the bridges. She and Dirk would eat at Zaxby’s and then see some of the guys under the bridges. Gena wished she could do something. Very aware. Had a big heart.
To most people she Gave them the benefit of the doubt. If someone needed it, she’d give them her last dollar. Helper, servant attitude. When I would go in the store with a problem, she always made it clear we were not a bother and did all she could to make sure we understood we would be taken care of.
A good bargain shopper. Didn’t care about all the fancy, top dollar. Happy with what she had and could stretch five dollars. Wasn’t materialist. Kept herself looking really good and dressed well.
Let’s back up a bit. You’ve seen how beautiful she was in her sweet sixteen photos. Graduated from Hendersonville, TN. A woman named Sarah said she had a flair for doing that interior design, so did it for a summer. Then, Went to Western Kentucky University in Bowling Green, KY for a year, close to Nashville and Hendersonville, and began her degree in interior design.
Gena Lived in Florida for a while on her own for a year or two after College, adventurous spirit. Free spirit… Maybe this is why her two favorite songs are:
Free Bird, by Lynard Skynard
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
‘Cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn’t be the same.
‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can’t change.
Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I can’t change.
But please don’t take it badly,
‘Cause Lord knows I’m to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldn’t be the same.
Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
And this bird you’ll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can’t change.
Lord help me, I can’t change.
She started settling down in the 80’s. She got married. she gave birth to Tory, then, eight years later gave birth to Chase. And married again.
Gena had many best friends. Many, many friends. Once she made a friend she meant it and they took it like she meant it, and real friends from then on. Very loyal wherever she met them. Made friends easily cause she was outgoing. Liked to argue just to argue, not to be mean, but to give a hard time.
Tory, chase and she would do this kind of bickering without being mean, and laugh, (and sounded like they would kill each other: Dirk), and then come back after five minutes and it was over. Didn’t hold a grudge, but she was blunt.
You all know that Gena wasn’t a church going person. She went to a Pentecostal Church. And liked it. Probably a little of the free spirit in her resonated with the free spirit in the Pentacostals.
She had some pain in her life. She wondered, as we all do, if this life was all there is. Sometimes, we deal with pain in healthy ways and other times in not so healthy ways.
Wish You Were Here, by Pink Floyd
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war,
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
Life threw some curves at Gena. Satan himself was out to get her. “Two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year, running over the same old ground. Same old fears. Wish you were here.”
There were times when Gena wouldn’t know what to say. You’d ask a question, or say something about current events. She would automatically, sometimes painfully say, “You think?” To those close to her they knew she wasn’t ready to answer or couldn’t. Though, at times irritating, it’s one of things they’re going to miss about Gena.
What will you miss the most?
Miss her smile…Mom
Her eyes…Chase
Protective
Fun
She could be sneaky too, Tori. She snuck off all the time to the Thrift store or out the back ‘til the next day.
God’s given us a way to deal with pain. More than anything else, we all get to a point in our lives when we can’t figure it all out or when we can’t handle the circumstances or stress. So, God’s plan is to let someone else deal with it. It’s called “GRACE” and it’s really good news.
The good news is that the pain doesn’t have to cause more pain. There’s been only one perfect person who ever walked this earth. His name is Jesus. He went to the cross to take our pain, our sin and shame. Too often people feel shame and don’t know what to do with it. He felt pain. His whole life people tried to kill or hurt him, but his eyes were only on one thing: to die on the cross to pay the price for our sin and shame because we can’t do it ourselves.
Col. 2:13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.
Jesus knew that we’d try to self-medicate, sow too many wild oats and get ourselves into jams that can break our momma’s hearts. So, he set it all straight, if we want it. Jesus knew that we’d face economic disaster, relationships that go sour and health problems that break us into tiny pieces.
Hebrews 12:2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
This is good news. Too often in churches people are beat up for being imperfect. That’s not good news. That’s bad news. The good news is that God knows there is only one perfect person who ever walked on earth, and his own people crucified him in a horrible, violent, blood bath.
So what’s the point?
Most of you know it’s Easter week. The good news doesn’t stop with us being forgiven. The physical and spiritual life of Jesus was raised from the dead. God proved Jesus was His Son. God did all the work and all we have to do is believe. This is love and grace.
1John 4:9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
We can’t do anything but believe, and by believing we are saved. He doesn’t promise the perfect life, but he does promise that those who believe will have other forces at work in their lives.
Titus 2:11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope — the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.
For many people, belief comes too late. This grace is offered freely today. It’s not a message of shame or telling us how bad we are, or how we’ve screwed up over and over again. God loves us so much that he has taken care of all that. His grace means we are free to be with him forever, and because of belief in the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus we can be sure that nothing can ever separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus. How many people are needlessly and painfully taught the bad news that because they didn’t act like a Christian or go to church or do all the right things God doesn’t love them? Once we put our faith in what God has done in Christ, he instantly seals us to himself forever. Now, that’s good news at a time like this!
Eccl. 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: 2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
I think it’s a good time to honor the good memories God has given to us in Gena, and to put our faith in what he has done in Christ. I would hope that today you would do both.