Porn Again

Real guys have huge sex drives. Unfortunately, we Christians don’t like to talk about it, thus, no practical advice, and many, many frustrated men and women men have hurt. The church has become an institution for the effeminate (see the book, “Why Men Hate Going to Church“) denying the facts we all know are so true about men’s libido’s, which, by the way, are part of God’s creation, in his image (now there’s a thought to explore in Rob Bell’s book, “The Sex God“) So, thanks to Mark Driscoll, a free book is available. Men beware! It’s not soft on us, but there’s hope. We need practical advice. Download it! Pass it out. An army Chaplain friend has given it to forty of his men.

Christian String Theory

The vows I took as a husband to Rhonda 24 years ago on Aug. 24, 1985 seemed doable. For some reason, we memorized the vows. Seemed repeating them after Pastor Sherwin was a little too much of him and not enough of the romance, our eyes locked romantically, lips moving, hearts burning with joy at those binding words. The rub? I bumbled my vows and left out “for richer, for poorer.” Does that mean I am exempt on that one?

The last four weeks, Rhonda’s been sick, coughing so hard her neck is sore and she has a strained rib. She’s slept in another room for a week so that I could sleep without her barking next to me thinking Armegeddon was close. Our second trip to the doctor proved she had pneumonia, a little spot of crackling in one of her lower right lobes. She starts antibiotics today. If they work, which they will, she’s cough free this week! If they don’t…

Our story is small. Take Mary and Charles, friends, elders, fellow Journeyites. Mary has nursed Charles back to health over the last five weeks. It was touch and go for a while from his infection. He’s been weak. She has trouble sleeping. They were in church for the first time in four Sundays last night. They’ve been married 28 years. They brim with love and thankfulness together. A beaming, emotional, Charles stood last night to thank everyone for praying, and especially the Wednesday night Cell Group for spending an evening with them at their home. “O the bliss that fills my soul!”

Our friends Marge and Eddie, in Florida, have suffered through Marge’s marriage-long hip injury and wheelchair dependency. Eddie dutifully, and usually, joyfully, moves the wheelchair in and out of the car, up and down curbs and bends his will to hers to get stuff for her. They’ve been married at least thirty years. Duty and love, serving and sickness.

Scott and Linda, in Muskegon, MI, old High School friends, keep us posted on her cancer treatment and various repercussions. The pain and anxiety plow through the optical fibers to friends on Facebook, garnishing typed words of encouragement and prayer for all to see.

Some marriages don’t survive these sicknesses. In these sicknesses, pressure for intimacy and the carefree romantic life, tiptoeing through the tulips, drives people insane for normalcy. The stress destroys frivolity…and possibly fidelity.

On the other hand, something else emerges, something grand and deep. A power creeps in, seeps in, overpowers in the night, or after day seven, or in the middle of an emergency room visit. That power isn’t a hope that intimacy will be met or a resolution is near. The emerging power is like a sweeping mist overtaking the surface of a deep, clear lake. Soon, the lover is in an envelope of mist, a power from outside, a shortening of sight to what is close at hand. A job must be done. A person is in need. Focus. Care. Help. Serve. Listen. The options are cut. The romantic notion of friendship dies. Now, thin misty threads of true love form, spidery strings, sticky and strong, powerful, to buckle down, to save the one closest to you.

I’ve seen it. I’ve tasted it. That mist is sweet. The bonds are stronger. The vows held, “in sickness and in health,” and we are ready to face the onslaught to our other vows, but together, strength in numbers, two can chase a hundred, where in sickness, one is bound in deep, misty love to lonely serving.

Praise God, Mary and Charles! Hang on Scott and Linda! Be strong, Dale and Joann! Stay the course, Shelby and Dave! Focus, Tom and Rhonda!

“Finally, these three remain, faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love!” 1 Cor. 13

“Christ’s love compels us.” 2 Cor. 5:14

Marriage Hypocrisy

The myth of Christian values permeates our culture or should I say, covers a multitude of sins. One example is marriage. We are marriage hypocrites here. We value the institution of marriage so highly, yet treat it so poorly. For example, if we hold that marriage is so important to create stable homes, why would Sweden’s unmarried, co-habitating couples have a greater chance of staying together and provide more security than a comparable American family? Why do we have a revolving door of significant relationships in America greater than any other country? Why are we in a raging debate about same-sex marriages that doesn’t seem to affect other western nations? Why do we hold marriage to be the right of “first-class-citizenship”?

BTW, I think marriage is a great institution! We’re going on 24 this August! And if you want to see Co-habitation statistics in our culture read about the dangers here! The chance of divorce or break up in the USA for cohabitating couples is monstrous.

You can read one sociologist’s study about why and join the debate about the value of marriage in

The Marriage-Go-Round

The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today

Written by Andrew J. Cherlin