Pastor Smith wanted to find out why his new, friend, Robert, had never been asked to go to church before. Robert said, “I guess I didn’t look like the church type. I didn’t fit in.”
“You didn’t think you’d fit in? Can I offer a suggestion to you?”
“You aren’t going to invite me back to church are you?”
“Not yet. How about meeting with me regularly. Would you?”
“Why should I? You aren’t going to accept me. I’m gay!”
“Robert, we have so many people in our church who don’t meet up to other’s expectations or God’s.”
“That’s what I mean! You put me down. You don’t accept my sexuality!”
“Robert, what I mean is that we all have something that, if we let it, makes us think others put us down. About half of our congregation has had a divorce. That’s over 100 people! Some of our members are recovering alcoholics. An elder is an ex-felon. Are you always going to use your sexual preference as a barrier to others who are different from you? Isn’t that what you feel Christians are doing to you?”
“You didn’t hear me! You put me in the same class as felons, addicts, and failed marriages. I am NOT a failure!”
“We are all failures, Robert. We have all sinned and failed to meet God’s standards. It’s easy to forget that we are all in the same boat. The difference between you and me is that I think your choices lead you into more trouble than is necessary, just like getting a divorce is a painful and crazy experience.”
“But that’s what makes you so ignorant. God gave me this gift. You still don’t get it. I’m gay. I’ll never be straight. I am attracted to other men!”
“Are you attracted to me? You met with me today.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you feel a sexual attraction to every man you meet?”
“Well, not always, but a lot of the time.”
“That’s what I’m talking about. Every person has to make choices. We are not just a pile of impulses and instincts. We can control our impulses. We use wisdom and logic. Unfortunately, most people make up their decisions as they go along. They are never sure. This is what I’ve found talking to other gay men or lesbian women. They tend to blame me or others for their insecurity, and only feel secure when they are around other people who agree with them.”
“So, you’re saying my sexuality is a choice? You just don’t get it. You’re homophobic!”
“I’d like to talk some more about how you make all the choices in your life, Robert. I promise that if you agree to meet with me, I won’t condemn you for your choices. I won’t agree with you on all your choices, but I won’t condemn you. We all need someone to help us think through life as objectively as possible. Would you be willing to meet with me? I’m just letting you know you’re welcome as a friend, anytime!”
